


China Doll

by agentofvalue



Category: Orphan Black (TV)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-16
Updated: 2013-12-16
Packaged: 2018-01-04 21:22:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,067
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1085835
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/agentofvalue/pseuds/agentofvalue
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>How can two people have such different fates?</p>
            </blockquote>





	China Doll

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: These aren't my characters. I just play with them and put them back. No copyright infringement intended.

Sarah stares down at the woman tied to the pillar. Her twin. Helena has been pacified for the moment. Her head flops against her chest as it rises and falls slightly. She didn’t fight as Sarah dragged her out of the boot of the car and into the basement of Mrs. S’s house. She didn’t try to stop Sarah from tying her to the post. She hasn’t really moved or looked up or spoken. Only her fingers twitch behind her back as if she’s reaching for something. 

Sarah watches. It’s like a train wreck. She’s horrified, but she can’t look away. Not even for a second. Her twin. A blood relation. Family beyond Kira. There’s no question where her daughter came from, but Sarah has never had the same satisfaction. Now some of the questions are being answered, it doesn’t seem satisfying. She almost wishes she could retreat inside herself like Helena has. Her twin. 

“You need anything?” asks Sarah. 

Helena stirs. Her head rolls onto her shoulder and she looks up at Sarah. 

“A blade,” she says. 

“So you can cut yourself free? I don’t think so.” 

“Is not for the rope.” She gave her a crooked smile. “My wings,” she says. 

The joy in her voice sends a shiver down Sarah’s spine. “ _They broke her_ ,” she thinks. " _They dressed her up, but she's just a broken doll_."

As hard and as much of a shitestorm Sarah’s life has been, she swells with a sense of gratitude. Mrs. S was not her mother, but she was as close as Sarah ever got. And she was a good woman. She kept Sarah from this life, this torture.

Who might Helena have been? Who might Sarah have been had their positions been reversed? She doesn’t want to think about, but she forces herself, like turning around to face a monster.

What if they had grown up together? What if Mrs. S had got a hold of both of them? Sarah would have grown up with a sister, an identical twin. Her imagination is off, running away the way it did when she was a kid and her parents were always just seconds away from appearing to take her home. 

Siblings rarely stayed together after the first home when it began clear that they weren’t going back to the original home. Sarah would’ve held onto her twin, like she had held onto Fee. She stood up for once and they were inseparable. She refused to leave him in England, so Mrs. S brought him along. She and her twin would’ve been split up, probably more than once. But, they would always find a way back. Sarah is the protective one. Helena was quiet, unsure. Sarah was brash. She’d go to Helena every single time. 

Sarah could almost see the two of him. Herself and her twin. They’re eleven or twelve. They wear jeans and thick coats. They’re arriving in Canada for their fresh start. Helena’s hair is still blonde, but not as wild. They’re identical in every other way. They hold hands, but it’s really Helena clutching Sarah. Felix tags along behind. Even in her mind, he’s still there. 

They still get into all kinds of trouble. It gets worse as they get older. Sarah would use her mirror image sister to all kinds of advantages. Helena always gets dragged in, but when they get caught, Sarah always takes the blame. She gets the record. She’s still in and out. She has more to come back to. Helena’s there the day Kira is born. Sarah wouldn’t have been able to do that without her. 

It’s just a moment. A blink. A wild imagination. A fantasy. She feels hole the ghost leaves stretching out through her life. She’d always known something was wrong. She’d always believed it was just the absents of family. It’s more specific. Sarah had started life with someone else. It’s a closeness that can’t be replicated. And they took it from her. Not only had those religious freaks destroyed Helena, but they’d stolen a part of Sarah’s life too. 

What if they’d been reversed? How did Amelia choose who would go to which institution? Had she flipped a coin? Had she just pick the child on the right? Sarah could have easier ended up in the hands of the religious nut jobs. 

She would have killed for her masters. She would be the one carving wings into her own skin. She imagines that life too. It’s not as vivid. It’s a lot of dark places and pain. A hand with a ring is her access to the entire world. He warps the way she views things. Teaches her the wrong way. He is the sort of pain and her only rewards. She’s taught to fight—or maybe she knew that already. Her will to survive is strong. She’s taught to shot and ride a motorcycle and speak English. She’s taught how to pass as normal, but it doesn’t last long. She spent too much time in the darkness, too much time alone. 

“ _You don’t understand what it’s like. I look at Helena and I see me_.” She recalls her own words. They echo in her head. They were never truer than now. Sarah had meant that all the clones where the so similar. They were all just the same person put into different situations. Sarah might have ended up like Alison, or Cosima, or any of the other Euro clones, or even Beth. She literally had a 50/50 chance a becoming Helena. She had no control, not over her own life and certainly not over Helena’s. It is a sick wheel turning on its own and none of them are left with a single good choice. 

Well, Helena’s life was going to be turned upside down. Again. Sarah would have to wait and see how she reacted to the news. Her birthmother. Her twin. Helena had felt a connection. Sarah didn’t feel it, but she felt where it should be. It is the ghost again. 

Helena is still watching her with a twisted grin playing on her face. She must think Sarah is deciding on whether or not she’s going to get a razor. 

Sarah clears her throat, waking herself up. “Not a chance, yeah? I’ll be back.” 

She marches up the stairs to go warn Amelia what Helena had become, had been turned into.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! I'd love to know what you think!


End file.
